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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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The reason you can’t buy a car is the same reason that your health insurer let hackers dox you

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

In 2017, Equifax suffered the worst data-breach in world history, leaking the deep, nonconsensual dossiers it had compiled on 148m Americans and 15m Britons, (and 19k Canadians) into the world, to form an immortal, undeletable reservoir of kompromat and premade identity-theft kits:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_Equifax_data_breach

Equifax knew the breach was coming. It wasn't just that their top execs liquidated their stock in Equifax before the announcement of the breach – it was also that they ignored years of increasingly urgent warnings from IT staff about the problems with their server security.

Things didn't improve after the breach. Indeed, the 2017 Equifax breach was the starting gun for a string of more breaches, because Equifax's servers didn't just have one fubared system – it was composed of pure, refined fubar. After one group of hackers breached the main Equifax system, other groups breached other Equifax systems, over and over, and over:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/equifax-password-username-admin-lawsuit-201118316.html

Doesn't this remind you of Boeing? It reminds me of Boeing. The spectacular 737 Max failures in 2018 weren't the end of the scandal. They weren't even the scandal's start – they were the tipping point, the moment in which a long history of lethally defective planes "breached" from the world of aviation wonks and into the wider public consciousness:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_accidents_and_incidents_involving_the_Boeing_737

Just like with Equifax, the 737 Max disasters tipped Boeing into a string of increasingly grim catastrophes. Each fresh disaster landed with the grim inevitability of your general contractor texting you that he's just opened up your ceiling and discovered that all your joists had rotted out – and that he won't be able to deal with that until he deals with the termites he found last week, and that they'll have to wait until he gets to the cracks in the foundation slab from the week before, and that those will have to wait until he gets to the asbestos he just discovered in the walls.

Drip, drip, drip, as you realize that the most expensive thing you own – which is also the thing you had hoped to shelter for the rest of your life – isn't even a teardown, it's just a pure liability. Even if you razed the structure, you couldn't start over, because the soil is full of PCBs. It's not a toxic asset, because it's not an asset. It's just toxic.

Equifax isn't just a company: it's infrastructure. It started out as an engine for racial, political and sexual discrimination, paying snoops to collect gossip from nosy neighbors, which was assembled into vast warehouses full of binders that told bank officers which loan applicants should be denied for being queer, or leftists, or, you know, Black:

https://jacobin.com/2017/09/equifax-retail-credit-company-discrimination-loans

This witch-hunts-as-a-service morphed into an official part of the economy, the backbone of the credit industry, with a license to secretly destroy your life with haphazardly assembled "facts" about your life that you had the most minimal, grudging right to appeal (or even see). Turns out there are a lot of customers for this kind of service, and the capital markets showered Equifax with the cash needed to buy almost all of its rivals, in mergers that were waved through by a generation of Reaganomics-sedated antitrust regulators.

There's a direct line from that acquisition spree to the Equifax breach(es). First of all, companies like Equifax were early adopters of technology. They're a database company, so they were the crash-test dummies for ever generation of database. These bug-riddled, heavily patched systems were overlaid with subsequent layers of new tech, with new defects to be patched and then overlaid with the next generation.

These systems are intrinsically fragile, because things fall apart at the seams, and these systems are all seams. They are tech-debt personified. Now, every kind of enterprise will eventually reach this state if it keeps going long enough, but the early digitizers are the bow-wave of that coming infopocalypse, both because they got there first and because the bottom tiers of their systems are composed of layers of punchcards and COBOL, crumbling under the geological stresses of seventy years of subsequent technology.

The single best account of this phenomenon is the British Library's postmortem of their ransomware attack, which is also in the running for "best hard-eyed assessment of how fucked things are":

https://www.bl.uk/home/british-library-cyber-incident-review-8-march-2024.pdf

There's a reason libraries, cities, insurance companies, and other giant institutions keep getting breached: they started accumulating tech debt before anyone else, so they've got more asbestos in the walls, more sagging joists, more foundation cracks and more termites.

That was the starting point for Equifax – a company with a massive tech debt that it would struggle to pay down under the most ideal circumstances.

Then, Equifax deliberately made this situation infinitely worse through a series of mergers in which it bought dozens of other companies that all had their own version of this problem, and duct-taped their failing, fucked up IT systems to its own. The more seams an IT system has, the more brittle and insecure it is. Equifax deliberately added so many seams that you need to be able to visualized additional spatial dimensions to grasp them – they had fractal seams.

But wait, there's more! The reason to merge with your competitors is to create a monopoly position, and the value of a monopoly position is that it makes a company too big to fail, which makes it too big to jail, which makes it too big to care. Each Equifax acquisition took a piece off the game board, making it that much harder to replace Equifax if it fucked up. That, in turn, made it harder to punish Equifax if it fucked up. And that meant that Equifax didn't have to care if it fucked up.

Which is why the increasingly desperate pleas for more resources to shore up Equifax's crumbling IT and security infrastructure went unheeded. Top management could see that they were steaming directly into an iceberg, but they also knew that they had a guaranteed spot on the lifeboats, and that someone else would be responsible for fishing the dead passengers out of the sea. Why turn the wheel?

That's what happened to Boeing, too: the company acquired new layers of technical complexity by merging with rivals (principally McDonnell-Douglas), and then starved the departments that would have to deal with that complexity because it was being managed by execs whose driving passion was to run a company that was too big to care. Those execs then added more complexity by chasing lower costs by firing unionized, competent, senior staff and replacing them with untrained scabs in jurisdictions chosen for their lax labor and environmental enforcement regimes.

(The biggest difference was that Boeing once had a useful, high-quality product, whereas Equifax started off as an irredeemably terrible, if efficient, discrimination machine, and grew to become an equally terrible, but also ferociously incompetent, enterprise.)

This is the American story of the past four decades: accumulate tech debt, merge to monopoly, exponentially compound your tech debt by combining barely functional IT systems. Every corporate behemoth is locked in a race between the eventual discovery of its irreparable structural defects and its ability to become so enmeshed in our lives that we have to assume the costs of fixing those defects. It's a contest between "too rotten to stand" and "too big to care."

Remember last February, when we all discovered that there was a company called Change Healthcare, and that they were key to processing virtually every prescription filled in America? Remember how we discovered this? Change was hacked, went down, ransomed, and no one could fill a scrip in America for more than a week, until they paid the hackers $22m in Bitcoin?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2024_Change_Healthcare_ransomware_attack

How did we end up with Change Healthcare as the linchpin of the entire American prescription system? Well, first Unitedhealthcare became the largest health insurer in America by buying all its competitors in a series of mergers that comatose antitrust regulators failed to block. Then it combined all those other companies' IT systems into a cosmic-scale dog's breakfast that barely ran. Then it bought Change and used its monopoly power to ensure that every Rx ran through Change's servers, which were part of that asbestos-filled, termite-infested, crack-foundationed, sag-joisted teardown. Then, it got hacked.

United's execs are the kind of execs on a relentless quest to be too big to care, and so they don't care. Which is why their they had to subsequently announce that they had suffered a breach that turned the complete medical histories of one third of Americans into immortal Darknet kompromat that is – even now – being combined with breach data from Equifax and force-fed to the slaves in Cambodia and Laos's pig-butchering factories:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/01/politics/data-stolen-healthcare-hack/index.html

Those slaves are beaten, tortured, and punitively raped in compounds to force them to drain the life's savings of everyone in Canada, Australia, Singapore, the UK and Europe. Remember that they are downstream of the forseeable, inevitable IT failures of companies that set out to be too big to care that this was going to happen.

Failures like Ticketmaster's, which flushed 500 million users' personal information into the identity-theft mills just last month. Ticketmaster, you'll recall, grew to its current scale through (you guessed it), a series of mergers en route to "too big to care" status, that resulted in its IT systems being combined with those of Ticketron, Live Nation, and dozens of others:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/31/business/ticketmaster-hack-data-breach.html

But enough about that. Let's go car-shopping!

Good luck with that. There's a company you've never heard. It's called CDK Global. They provide "dealer management software." They are a monopolist. They got that way after being bought by a private equity fund called Brookfield. You can't complete a car purchase without their systems, and their systems have been hacked. No one can buy a car:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/27/business/cdk-global-cyber-attack-update/index.html

Writing for his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller tells the all-too-familiar story of how CDK Global filled the walls of the nation's auto-dealers with the IT equivalent of termites and asbestos, and lays the blame where it belongs: with a legal and economics establishment that wanted it this way:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/a-supreme-court-justice-is-why-you

The CDK story follows the Equifax/Boeing/Change Healthcare/Ticketmaster pattern, but with an important difference. As CDK was amassing its monopoly power, one of its execs, Dan McCray, told a competitor, Authenticom founder Steve Cottrell that if he didn't sell to CDK that he would "fucking destroy" Authenticom by illegally colluding with the number two dealer management company Reynolds.

Rather than selling out, Cottrell blew the whistle, using Cottrell's own words to convince a district court that CDK had violated antitrust law. The court agreed, and ordered CDK and Reynolds – who controlled 90% of the market – to continue to allow Authenticom to participate in the DMS market.

Dealers cheered this on: CDK/Reynolds had been steadily hiking prices, while ingesting dealer data and using it to gouge the dealers on additional services, while denying dealers access to their own data. The services that Authenticom provided for $35/month cost $735/month from CDK/Reynolds (they justified this price hike by saying they needed the additional funds to cover the costs of increased information security!).

CDK/Reynolds appealed the judgment to the 7th Circuit, where a panel of economists weighed in. As Stoller writes, this panel included monopoly's most notorious (and well-compensated) cheerleader, Frank Easterbrook, and the "legendary" Democrat Diane Wood. They argued for CDK/Reynolds, demanding that the court release them from their obligations to share the market with Authenticom:

https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/us-7th-circuit/1879150.html

The 7th Circuit bought the argument, overturning the lower court and paving the way for the CDK/Reynolds monopoly, which is how we ended up with one company's objectively shitty IT systems interwoven into the sale of every car, which meant that when Russian hackers looked at that crosseyed, it split wide open, allowing them to halt auto sales nationwide. What happens next is a near-certainty: CDK will pay a multimillion dollar ransom, and the hackers will reward them by breaching the personal details of everyone who's ever bought a car, and the slaves in Cambodian pig-butchering compounds will get a fresh supply of kompromat.

But on the plus side, the need to pay these huge ransoms is key to ensuring liquidity in the cryptocurrency markets, because ransoms are now the only nondiscretionary liability that can only be settled in crypto:

https://locusmag.com/2022/09/cory-doctorow-moneylike/

When the 7th Circuit set up every American car owner to be pig-butchered, they cited one of the most important cases in antitrust history: the 2004 unanimous Supreme Court decision in Verizon v Trinko:

https://www.oyez.org/cases/2003/02-682

Trinko was a case about whether antitrust law could force Verizon, a telcoms monopolist, to share its lines with competitors, something it had been ordered to do and then cheated on. The decision was written by Antonin Scalia, and without it, Big Tech would never have been able to form. Scalia and Trinko gave us the modern, too-big-to-care versions of Google, Meta, Apple, Microsoft and the other tech baronies.

In his Trinko opinion, Scalia said that "possessing monopoly power" and "charging monopoly prices" was "not unlawful" – rather, it was "an important element of the free-market system." Scalia – writing on behalf of a unanimous court! – said that fighting monopolists "may lessen the incentive for the monopolist…to invest in those economically beneficial facilities."

In other words, in order to prevent monopolists from being too big to care, we have to let them have monopolies. No wonder Trinko is the Zelig of shitty antitrust rulings, from the decision to dismiss the antitrust case against Facebook and Apple's defense in its own ongoing case:

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/documents/cases/073_2021.06.28_mtd_order_memo.pdf

Trinko is the origin node of too big to care. It's the reason that our whole economy is now composed of "infrastructure" that is made of splitting seams, asbestos, termites and dry rot. It's the reason that the entire automotive sector became dependent on companies like Reynolds, whose billionaire owner intentionally and illegally destroyed evidence of his company's crimes, before going on to commit the largest tax fraud in American history:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/billionaire-robert-brockman-accused-of-biggest-tax-fraud-in-u-s-history-dies-at-81-11660226505

Trinko begs companies to become too big to care. It ensures that they will exponentially increase their IT debt while becoming structurally important to whole swathes of the US economy. It guarantees that they will underinvest in IT security. It is the soil in which pig butchering grew.

It's why you can't buy a car.

Now, I am fond of quoting Stein's Law at moments like this: "anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop." As Stoller writes, after two decades of unchallenged rule, Trinko is looking awfully shaky. It was substantially narrowed in 2023 by the 10th Circuit, which had been briefed by Biden's antitrust division:

https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca10/22-1164/22-1164-2023-08-21.html

And the cases of 2024 have something going for them that Trinko lacked in 2004: evidence of what a fucking disaster Trinko is. The wrongness of Trinko is so increasingly undeniable that there's a chance it will be overturned.

But it won't go down easy. As Stoller writes, Trinko didn't emerge from a vacuum: the economic theories that underpinned it come from some of the heroes of orthodox economics, like Joseph Schumpeter, who is positively worshipped. Schumpeter was antitrust's OG hater, who wrote extensively that antitrust law didn't need to exist because any harmful monopoly would be overturned by an inevitable market process dictated by iron laws of economics.

Schumpeter wrote that monopolies could only be sustained by "alertness and energy" – that there would never be a monopoly so secure that its owner became too big to care. But he went further, insisting that the promise of attaining a monopoly was key to investment in great new things, because monopolists had the economic power that let them plan and execute great feats of innovation.

The idea that monopolies are benevolent dictators has pervaded our economic tale for decades. Even today, critics who deplore Facebook and Google do so on the basis that they do not wield their power wisely (say, to stamp out harassment or disinformation). When confronted with the possibility of breaking up these companies or replacing them with smaller platforms, those critics recoil, insisting that without Big Tech's scale, no one will ever have the power to accomplish their goals:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/18/urban-wildlife-interface/#combustible-walled-gardens

But they misunderstand the relationship between corporate power and corporate conduct. The reason corporations accumulate power is so that they can be insulated from the consequences of the harms they wreak upon the rest of us. They don't inflict those harms out of sadism: rather, they do so in order to externalize the costs of running a good system, reaping the profits of scale while we pay its costs.

The only reason to accumulate corporate power is to grow too big to care. Any corporation that amasses enough power that it need not care about us will not care about it. You can't fix Facebook by replacing Zuck with a good unelected social media czar with total power over billions of peoples' lives. We need to abolish Zuck, not fix Zuck.

Zuck is not exceptional: there were a million sociopaths whom investors would have funded to monopolistic dominance if he had balked. A monopoly like Facebook has a Zuck-shaped hole at the top of its org chart, and only someone Zuck-shaped will ever fit through that hole.

Our whole economy is now composed of companies with sociopath-shaped holes at the tops of their org chart. The reason these companies can only be run by sociopaths is the same reason that they have become infrastructure that is crumbling due to sociopathic neglect. The reckless disregard for the risk of combining companies is the source of the market power these companies accumulated, and the market power let them neglect their systems to the point of collapse.

This is the system that Schumpeter, and Easterbrook, and Wood, and Scalia – and the entire Supreme Court of 2004 – set out to make. The fact that you can't buy a car is a feature, not a bug. The pig-butcherers, wallowing in an ocean of breach data, are a feature, not a bug. The point of the system was what it did: create unimaginable wealth for a tiny cohort of the worst people on Earth without regard to the collapse this would provoke, or the plight of those of us trapped and suffocating in the rubble.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/28/dealer-management-software/#antonin-scalia-stole-your-car

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

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stellar-constellations · 7 months ago

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Heart on the Market (ONGOING SERIES) Chapter 1

WARNING: This series will include; NSFW, dead dove, reader is a serial killer, black market possible inaccurate historical slang and fashion, gore, alcohol, toxic relationships that should NOT be replicated in real life, murder, yanderes, cursing, implications of misandry (male misogyny), perversive thoughts, possibly more to add.

Inaccurate canon-timeline and setting (Ashley doesn't exist).

Incest is not Wincest.

Andrew Graves x Old school! Serial killer! Fem! Reader

Wordcount: 3,000+ words

Chapters: Current chapter, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (in the works)

It’s 12 in the morning at the 24 hour diner. Despite it being midnight, the diner was bustling with people eating pancakes and drinking spiked milkshakes; a classic 50’s diner.

The floor had black and white checkered tiles had fallen pieces of bacon. One of the tables had spilled milk after a baby knocked their bottle of milk over (why the family is here at this time, she doesn’t know nor does she care). The chairs had chewed gum under them matching the table bottoms too. The red and white counter had drunk men watching an episode of I Love Lucy.

“Do you need anymore coffee?” (Y/N) smiled, holding a piping hot coffee pitcher, steam escaping from the top of the lid.

“Thank you, dear.” A little old lady smiled, probably thinking it was 5 AM in winter when the sun wasn’t up instead of it being 12 o’ clock in the summer.

“Need anymore hash browns?” (Y/N) smiled, grabbing her notepad and pen from her white apron tied around her waist, the tight strings accentuating her figure.

“No, but I’ll take a cookie for the road.” The lady smiled.

“Coming right up, ma’am.” (Y/N) smiled, her black flats walking against the sticky tiled floor as her light blue skirt twirled around her knees.

She walked behind the counter to the display of cookies resting there since yesterday, grabbing a cookie and throwing it in a small, white paper bag. She stapled the bag closed and walked back to her customer, handing her the cookie.

“There you go, ma’am. Is that all for you tonight?” (Y/N) smiled.

“Yes, that’ll be it.” The lady smiled, her sunken cheeks turning up to show her dentures.

“I’ll get the check.” (Y/N) hummed, walking back to the counter and printing out the check for table 26.

She walked back to the old lady, grabbing the printed receipt and handing it to the lady.

“Careful, the ink’s fresh.” (Y/N) smiled.

“Thank you.” The lady smiled, placing 30 bucks on the counter.

“Oh, ma’am. You dropped a few bucks.” (Y/N) spoke, counting the cash. “Your meal was 13 bucks.”

“Keep the change as a tip.” The lady smiled, before leaving the diner.

“Fool…” (Y/N) snickered to herself, placing the tip in her tip pouch on her hip as she took the meal’s money to the cash register.

Old people are so easy to butter up. She thought, smiling. All it takes is a few nice words to make them smile a million bucks. Not to mention their retirement money.

If she keeps it up earning these tips, maybe she can buy a new dress. She’s been meaning to get another poodle skirt anyways.

(Y/N) sorted out the money in the cash register before closing it, walking into the back. There were tablets there on the walls for her to clock out of.

Unnecessary screens in unnecessary places… (Y/N) thought, annoyed. These new generations and their technology!

(Y/N) clocked herself out on time, heading to her work locker and inserting her combination. She grabbed her work bag and took it with her into the bathroom, changing into her regular clothes.

She put on a black and red fit-and-flare dress with her nude stockings and black gloves. She grabbed her black hand-purse, throwing her work clothes into her work bag. She undid her hair’s bun and brushed her hair out, letting it hang off her shoulders as she put on a black headband with a bow on top in her hair.

She exited the bathroom, putting her work bag back into her locker and shutting it, then exiting the diner out back, walking down the streets.

The streets had an occasional stranger walking down, giving her a weird look at her old 1950’s outfits, but others have seen her enough to know it was her style by now.

She held her purse and walked down the streets, before taking a turn down a dark alley.

It stunk of trash and the air was humid, but that was normal in every overpopulated city. Thank god this city wasn’t a night-life one at least, how troublesome it would be for her work.

A stumbling man appeared in view, leaning on the brick walls of a building, taking a few wary steps before stopping again. He looked absolutely shit-faced, with a fire red face and dilated pupils; drunk and lethargic.

“Do you need any help, sir?” (Y/N) questioned, her transatlantic accent she gained from growing up watching too many movies of the 1930’s shined through.

“I-I need… "urgh…” the male groaned, tipsy before collapsing to his feet, trying to hold his stomach in.

“Oh, pardon me.” (Y/N) smiled, walking closer without fear as her black Mary Jane’s hit the ground.

He probably thought he traveled back in time as he looked at her, confused at the blurry figure approaching.

“Now, sir. Public intoxication is very bad, you know? You can be charged!” (Y/N) scolded, a playful tone in her voice as she crept closer, before coming up behind him.

She fished a black lipstick container out of her purse, popping open the lid to show a black tube with a small green and red button.

“Allow me to help you.” She smiled, pressing the tube to the back of his neck, before holding down the red button, allowing blue sparks to buzz through the air, shocking him.

He convulsed, drool flooding out of his mouth as he yelped, before a flood of vomit followed.

“There you go!” (Y/N) cheered supportingly as he kept the stun gun to his neck.

She removed the tube, watching him fall to the ground, disoriented and confused.

“See, sir. The problem there is your stomach was empty. You don’t ever drink on a empty stomach, no wonder you’re ill!” (Y/N) smiled. “A proper man could hold their liquor at the very least.”

Then again, this modern day and age doesn't know a thing about chivalry unless it's to get under a woman's dress... (Y/N) thought, frowning.

"Now, let's see." (Y/N) hummed, crouching down beside the drunken male lying in his own vomit.

She picked his head up by his hair, yanking it back roughly. "A 4 o' clock shadow that's stubbly. Dilated pupils. Nauseating scent. You must not take good care of your liver considering your performance of drinking tonight..." She frowned, sighing. "It must not hold much value, but something is better than nothing..."

She threw his head back into his bile, reaching into her gloved hand into purse and putting away her lipstick stun gun, replacing it with a 1930's Remington Rh36 hunting knife. She picked the disoriented man's head up, placing the knife under his throat, before making a jagged line around his neck.

"It's a good thing I wore my black pair today!" (Y/N) chirped, referring to her gloves as she dropped the man's head, sitting down on his back so he couldn't get up and fight.

She watched him squirm under her, warm crimson puddling under her as she counted, "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall." She smiled, looking down at him. "Oh, good sir. Where is your spirit? Sing with me!"

She grabbed his chin, pressing her thumb on his bottom lip and pressing down as blood spurted out of his mouth. "98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around——how many do we have?" (Y/N) smiled, pressing down on the now dead man's lips. "97!" she chirped, putting on a high-pitched voice. "Good job! 97!" she smiled, letting go of his chin.

She stood up, smoothing down her dress and stepping off the man's back. She grabbed her dirty knife, wiping the blade on the man's clothes.

She placed the knife down into her purse, pulling out a neatly folded black trash bag. She unfolded the bag and opened it, shoving the man's head in first (careful to avoid the pile of vomit), before bending his body awkwardly, a crack playing out somewhere in his legs as she forced him into the bag, tying it up.

"Citizen's trash duty: completed." She smiled, picking up the trash bag handles and pulling it down the alley with her.

(Y/N) dragged it with her, taking a shortcut down the alleyway and walking a few blocks until she got to the back of her apartment complex.

(Y/N) dragged the body bag up the fire escape stairs, careful not to tip backwards as the dead man’s head ‘thunked’ against the metal stairs over and over.

Upon reaching the top of the stairwell, she grabbed a spare key she copied stealing the owner’s once, grabbing the copy from her purse and unlocked the door.

She dragged the body inside the halls, taking the body up the stairs since every lazy piece of modern trash around here used the elevators.

She took the body with her down her hallway, fishing for her front door’s key inside of her purse, before pausing as the neighbor’s door next to her opened.

A man stepped out, pale skin akin to snow and eyes fresh like the Iceland hills. There were bags under his eyes, tired as he yawned, wearing a red shirt as his uniform for his job as a gas station attendant.

Andrew Graves; a recluse of a man, if even a person. Andrew doesn’t talk with (Y/N), not unless she corners him by the mailboxes and blabbers with him.

For some reason, the boy couldn’t fall for her charisma or even her appearance. She didn’t understand it; everyone likes her, why doesn’t he?

Perhaps he was just one of those people with a good sixth sense, but whatever it was, it infuriated (Y/N). How was she supposed to maintain a good social image if her next door neighbor didn’t have any good words to say about her?

How could he have any good words to say now that his eyes were widened with surprise and fear, looking down at her feet, where she looked and saw a leg hanging out of the bag, a trail of blood down the hallways.

The bag must’ve ripped upon climbing the stairs somewhere.

(Y/N) stared at the leg, both of them frozen in place as the complex’s AC kicked in.

(Y/N) quickly lunged at Andrew, shoving him back into his apartment. She drug the bag with her, entering his apartment and closing the door behind her.

Andrew’s apartment was completely dark, an unfamiliar terrain as she felt the walls for a light switch before switching it on, illuminating the room.

Andrew was on the ground, silently crawling backwards, making sure to look in her direction before he froze as the light came on.

“Ah!” (Y/N) sighed, happy as she quickly dropped onto her knees, crawling after him like a child.

She caught up to him quickly, especially since he hit the back of his couch, her hands pressing down on his chest as she leaned in, pushing her nose against his.

“I found you~” she smirked.

“What the fuck was that?” Andrew questioned, his eyes shooting behind her at the body bag.

“A Halloween prop.” (Y/N) responded quickly.

“It’s December.” Andrew retorted.

“A prop for Krampus, dummy! He’s a Halloween-Christmas guy!” she smiled.

“It’s an apartment complex! We don’t do decorations!” Andrew spoke, still scared but a bit annoyed that she took him as dumb enough to believe that.

“Well we do now.” (Y/N) smiled.

“I’m not dumb!” Andrew snapped. “So you’re the Manson Murderer, huh?”

Ah, the Manson Murderer, what a name she’s built for herself! "Manson Murderer Multilates Again!" and "Who is the Man of Manson?"

How funny they even think it’s a man. The only reason why so many men are trialed for murder, is because nobody believes a dainty flower of a woman could stabbed a man 41 times in his chest.

“Oh, my! What an accusation!” (Y/N) giggled, staring into his eyes as their faces were mere centimeters apart.

“Don’t you even try lying to me…” Andrew growled, his eyes hardened as he toughened himself up in front of her.

“Oh, have no fear, darling! I would never lie to you, you’re much too smart!” (Y/N) giggles, although she knew it was true.

Could it be possible he never liked her because he knew something was up with her? Is this his proof to having a reason to dislike her, not just because he was an introverted loser?

“Andrew, Andrew, Andrew…” (Y/N) muttered, clicking her tongue as her hand came up to his cheek, caressing it as he flinched at the sudden affection. “My love, why are you so scared? Don’t you know I would never hurt you? Not a man as handsome as yourself at least.” She purred.

“See, Andrew. There are certain duties people like I must fulfill. Someone has to clean the streets up after all.” She hummed.

“Why’d you do it?” Andrew questioned.

“Why didn’t I?” she smiled.

“That isn’t an answer—“ Andrew muttered, but was cut off by her.

“Now, Andrew. You’ll keep your mouth shut, yes?” she smiled. “I would certainly hate… for you to become scum at the bottom of a dumpster after all…

Andrew knew was she was implying. Trash for her to take out like it was a normal Monday.

“Yes…” Andrew seethed through his teeth, not too happy about it.

“Good!” (Y/N) smiled, taking her purse and flipping out her pocket knife.

“W-woah, hey! Hey! I said I won’t tell!” Andrew panicked, squirming but had nowhere to run as he was still pressed against the couch.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m only sealing our promise.” (Y/N) smiled, pulling up his shirt.

Andrew froze as she placed the knife onto his right side, before a hiss escaped his lips as she impaled the skin, carving into it like leather.

“Pardon my handwriting; mother always said I was messy.” (Y/N) smirked, smiling as the pretty blood ran down his side, matching his red shirt.

“F-fuck!” Andrew gasped, biting down onto his lips.

“When this mark heals, you can tell people it’s me who is the Manson Murderer.” (Y/N) smiled. “But for now, you’re mine to keep, so be a good boy and be quiet.”

(Y/N) smiled, admiring her craftsmanship before wiping the excess blood from the knife off on Andrew’s shirt.

She placed her pocketknife back into her purse, before looking at her words. She stuck out a gloved finger, scooping up some of the red liquid and wiping it on her bottom lip, closing her lips and smearing it like lipstick.

“Mwah! Red looks good on me, don’t you think?” (Y/N) smiled, looking at Andrew as his head was thrown back against the couch’s back, panting as he endured the pain.

“F-fuck… fucking bitch.” He hissed, his eyes sharp as he looked down at her. “Gonna fucking kill you…”

“Mm… keep talking like that…” (Y/N) purred, sitting down on her knees in between his legs, resting both her hands on his cheeks. “I like it.”

She leaned in, kissing his lips with her bloodied ones.

Andrew froze, shocked and helpless on what to do as he bled from his side. His neighbor, his neighbor who was a murderer, was kissing him right now.

One of her hands traveled down to his jaw, before guiding down to his chest sensually, reaching his stomach. Her lips moved against his closed ones, enjoying the power she had over him.

Her hand went to his side, her thumb pressing down onto his wound, causing him to yelp and open his mouth. She quickly dove her tongue into Andrew’s mouth, his cheeks puffing out as her tongue hit them, exploring the taste of his mouth and blood.

“Ah, you taste good…” (Y/N) muttered against his lips. “It’s too bad your heart isn’t on the market, I’d love to own it…” (Y/N) smiled.

Andrew couldn’t look further into her words as she kissed him again. He couldn’t taste anything except rust, and was that a hint of strawberry? Strawberry lipgloss perhaps? She did wear red lipgloss just like every other 1950’s girl did, just like her preferred timeline. Lipgloss so it wasn’t too showy, but still shined and was appropriate for every outfit.

Her tongue parted from his mouth, leaving him breathless (from her lips or from his wound, he wasn’t sure) as a string of saliva connected the two.

“I’ll teach you how to reciprocate later on. It makes it far more enjoyable, you know?” (Y/N) giggles, watching as Andrew’s face went pink.

It felt hot in here even though the AC was on, signaling to (Y/N) that she had to go and take care of this body before it started decomposing faster due to this heat.

“I’ll see you real soon, Andrew… You’ll keep our promise, right?” (Y/N) spoke, tilting her head and purposely puffing out her lips in a show of innocence and seduction.

“Mm… y-yeah. Yeah, I will…” Andrew muttered, laser-focused on her lips.

“Be good for me now.” (Y/N) smiled, getting up off the floor.

Andrew watched from the floor as she walked to his front door, dragging the body bag with her as she shut the door behind her, going back to her apartment.

He couldn’t believe this. His cute neighbor was a murderer, and he kissed her. And he liked it.

His face was burning up, along with his body, but he didn’t know if that was his pain receptors responding to the pain or not. He was hot and sweaty, it suddenly felt too hot for his shirt and everything else, especially under his belt.

Why the fuck did her lips have an impact on him like that? Why was it just her lips? Why did she kiss him in the first place?

Andrew groaned, looking down at the marking she made on him, carving him like a piece of property.

“Mine.” The carving read.

Fuck. He can’t go to work like this. He needs to go to the bathroom, clean up this wound and jerk one (or maybe a few) off.

Oh, he’ll get her back for doing this to him.

Chapters: Current chapter, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5 (in the works)

I'm sorry for the short chapter, the first chapters are always short to get the reader's attention. I don't want to add too much information that'll draw you guys away! This story is gonna be a spicy one featuring NSFW, so beware.

Want more Andrew Graves content? Check out the Andrew Graves masterlist!

Inbox is OPEN for questions about the story and new plotlines/ideas, not for requests!

#stellar constellations #andrew tcoaal #tcoaal andrew #andrew graves x reader #andrew graves #andy and leyley #andy graves #andy graves fluff #the coffin of andy and leyley #andy graves x reader #tcoaal

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mamawasatesttube · 8 months ago

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as per the poll results, i wrote around 2k of timkon autumnal indulgence today 🌾🍂🥧

The midmorning wind is brisk, and Tim is glad for the scarf he stole from Kon’s wardrobe earlier. It’s cozy and warm, and it smells like him, and every now and then, when Kon’s busy charming a customer, Tim buries his nose in it just to indulge. Gertrude catches him pressing the end to his cheek once and titters again, and he looks away quickly under the guise of restocking the pickles on the end of the table.

Pretending to be Kon’s boyfriend for the morning shift at a farmer’s market isn’t the worst thing—it’s not like it’s a date, where Kon’s attention would be on him the whole time, and he’d be overthinking every brush of their fingers. It’s easy to fall into step working by Kon’s side, just like on the battlefield; he handles the cash and the logbook, helps Kon keep the tables fully stocked and neatly arranged, and refills the stand of business cards when they run low.

Kon handles most of the talking—he’s the one who can answer questions about the fruits, veggies, eggs, and the farm in general, and the regulars who swing by all already know him. Tim mostly gets to just smile and wave, nibbling on some carrot sticks between refills from the enormous Thermos of apple cider Kon made for them this morning.

It’s surprisingly peaceful, overall. Sure, it’s fast-paced work, especially when bigger groups come through, and it’s not boring, but Tim finds himself taken aback by how serene it is to stand here in the parking lot of the Smallville Community Center, listening to Kon ramble about chickens (“Hennifer and Leon S. Hennedy got into a fight over some squash pieces the other day, and when I went in to break it up, they both unionized to bite me! Can you believe, the audacity of it all!”).

Penny catches his eye from her camp chair, tipping her styrofoam cup of coffee at him with a knowing glint in her eye. “Honeymoon phase, eh?” she chuckles. “When you can’t stop looking at him and swooning. Everything he does makes you melt, am I right?”

“What?!” Tim is not—he’s not swooning. Or melting, or—or anything of that sort! He’s just standing here. Normally. Suavely, even. “That’s not—I’m not doing that!”

Penny laughs at him, actually slapping her knee as if that’s the funniest thing she’s heard all week. “Sure you’re not, sonny. Oh, you have it bad for Conner. I can’t believe he didn’t bring you ‘round sooner!”

Yeah, well, he only asked Tim to be his fake boyfriend last night, so big surprise there. Tim gulps down the last of his cider as the memory replays in his head for the millionth time.

Right before bed, as they were settling down for the night, Kon plopped down next to him, looking oddly uncertain. He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, Tim remembers; it stood out at the time, too, because that’s something Kon always does when he gets antsy.

“Hey, Rob,” he said, cheeks pink. “So y’know how there’s the farmer’s market tomorrow? Well, the stall next to ours is run by these two ladies—Gertrude and Penny, they’re super nice, but—well, they keep trying to set me up with Penny’s grandson, and I—man, it’s getting awkward! And, I mean… you’re, you know… you’re my—you’re you, like…”

He trailed off, then, ducking his head, and then reached over and grabbed Tim’s hand. Tim blinked at him, scooting closer, and sleepily lay his head on Kon’s shoulder, and Kon relaxed again at his side.

“So, whaddya say we call tomorrow a date?” Kon’s laughter was nervous, but sweet. “I know, a farmer’s market stall isn’t, like, the most exciting date spot, but we’re in Smallville, so I dunno how high you can set your expectations for that kinda thing, anyway, and hey, it’d get Gertrude and Penny off my back by Bingo next Sunday, so…?”

And Tim’s heart did some weird, flip-floppy, delighted-but-dismayed maneuvers in his chest, because Kon was asking him on a date just to get some old ladies to stop pestering him about his love life. If only it was for real, because he wanted to date Tim, but… Tim will take what he can get, he supposes.

So he said yes, because of course he said yes—how can he ever say no to Kon, when Kon looks at him with those big, soft eyes all full of hope and warmth? Ugh. It’s no fair how cute Kon can be without even trying.

And now here Tim is.

Pining. At a farmer’s market.

#rimi writes #its farmers market fake dating... with a twist. hehe #tim #kon #timkon

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z-eel · 4 months ago

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Red Rose Surprise

[a rosekiller kid fic]

BARISTA BARTY | ROSEKILLER | WC: 2.7k

i'm not sure why no one's written a rosekiller kid fic, but i give you this. i will definitely expand on this because i just love this idea so fucking much.

"Stupid strawberry milk."

If Barty was allowed to say one thing publicly without the risk of being fired from his place of employment, he'd probably say fuck big companies who ruined coffee shops for regular ass people.

Sure, the big coffee chains have been around for years and it’s not like he knew what ordering coffee was like before them, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t despise them.

At least they were taking away the really insufferable customers, or that's what his boss liked to say. The only reason she can say that is because she doesn’t have to deal with them.

Barty’s known to have a shit attitude. This is especially known in the coffee shops that employed him so many years ago. He doesn't take shit from anyone, and who have been going long enough know that Barty doesn't fuck aroud.

He’s pretty sure Rosmerta is using his bad attitude in some marketing scheme.

“Stop by The Three Brews and get uniquely insulted by our prickly barista as he makes you latte art.”

He has to give it to her if that is actually what she’s doing, it’s one hell of a marketing tactic.

Still, it doesn’t mean he enjoys dealing with the annoying customers, and sure, he does know how to make the complex orders, and yeah he technically can make them, but it's not like he wants to. There’s a menu for a reason. Barty was not going to make a triple shot latte with a fraction of every type of milk substitute they had in stock.

I mean, he could use the syrup pumps when people wanted hyper specific orders, but there’s a reason why they were placed so far back. Barty wasn’t going to walk all the way back there when the next customer just wanted an espresso. Getting orders out quickly got him tips and tips were what paid for his lunch.

What really worsened them was Rosmerta's seasonal menu, because now if Barty said they ran out of something they could just point to the menu’s seasonal options.

“If you’re out, why are you still offering it? The least you could do is take it off the menu."

Apologies Susan, he wasn't aware someone could simply wipe off the words from their laminated menu that was placed in front of the cash register.

He also hated the menu because it meant he had to put even more effort when serving. It’s not like you could serve a ‘Heart Flutter’ with a frown. It ruins the atmosphere or whatever.

Sometimes he wishes he would’ve just taken Regulus’ money, at least then he wouldn’t be forced to work the morning before Valentine's Day listening to the same romantic pop songs as he wiped down the coffee machine for the umpteenth time.

One more hour, he just had to hold off for one more hour.

The door chimed and Barty only rolled his eyes when he heard the soft clicking of metal rings rubbing against each other.

“If you're not gonna order, you can make your way out, Sirius. I'm not dealing with your shit today.”

Barty could feel the judgemental stare of a mother on the other side of the counter. If it wasn't for the fact that he was still on the clock he would've flipped her off already.

“You can't kick me out Crouch, Rosmerta loves me.”

“Rosmerta loves using your face to draw up business. Hurry up and get behind the counter before we get told off again.” Barty threw him an apron that Sirius was just barely able to catch.

So, the thing was Sirius didn't actually work here, and technically he wasn't allowed behind the counter, but it's not like Sirius needed the money and Rosmerta wasn't going to keep him from working for free.

“Are you still pissed off that I'm ditching you to go out with my super tall, super smart, super hot boyfriend tomorrow.”

Sirius pulled his hair back carelessly before tying it up. Only Sirius Black could present an effortless look with no actual effort.

“Do I need to remind you that I've already had the pleasure of enjoying your super tall, super smart, super hot boyfriend.”

Barty had in fact had a go with Sirius’ boyfriend some couple months back. They hadn't known each other at the time, and Barty was certain that if he hadn’t hooked up with Lupin that night, Sirius and Remus would have never even met. Sirius’ entire relationship existed because of Barty.

“Don't talk about Moony like he's a piece of meat.”

“Oh, so only you can objectify him?”

Sirius nodded as he took off his jacket to hang on a hook and tied his apron. “Boyfriend privileges, but you wouldn't know about that would you Crouch.”

He wouldn't actually, Barty Crouch Jr wasn't known for settling. Not a single one of his relationships lasted longer than three months, at least if you didn’t count Emmeline Vance, who Barty tends to go back to every couple months when she’s single.

Sirius didn't count Emmeline as a relationship.

Barty could only roll his eyes before he started on the next order, cappuccino, no foam. He wanted to kill someone.

And so it went for the next half an hour, Barty rotated from creatively insulting one of his regulars and resisting the urge to pour the frothing milk on some prick's head.

“Fuck this, I'm taking a break, call me if you don't know what your doing.”

Sirius waved him off before he turned to the cash register with a bright smile, his loose curls falling to frame his face. Barty wasn’t even surprised when the woman began to stumble with her order, Sirius had that effect on everyone.

He was sitting across the counter when a little girl walked in all by herself.

Bright blonde hair held in two crooked pigtails. A set of plastic butterfly wings that were sliding off her shoulder, her face decorated with glitter and star stickers. He was pretty sure that the smudged paint around her eyes was supposed to resemble wings as well. It was the sparkling princess skirt and mismatched shoes with untied laces that really pulled the whole thing together.

She was already heading towards the display case, eyes focused on the pastries that had been delivered earlier that day by the local bakery.

Sirius leaned over the counter when he noticed who Barty was looking at.

“Hi sweetie, you see something you like.”

The girl looked up at Sirius with a nod before she pointed at one of their last brownies. Barty bit the inside of his cheek, he was really hoping that someone wouldn't take it before his shift was over.

As if to sense his despair Sirius looked over at Barty in question.

Would Barty be generous for the first time in his life and sacrifice the last brownie to the little girl who had her face pressed against the glass, or would he be a selfish prick and break this little girl's dream?

Barty sighed before gesturing for Sirius to give it to her.

He hated kids. He hated seeing their round faces with their big eyes.

Oh, but the smile that broke out the moment Sirius handed it to her in a napkin was heart melting. Barty couldn't help but laugh at the way she began to jump around in joy. Her little wings flapping with each jump she made.

“Luna, there you are. What did I tell you about running off on me?”

The girl turned around proudly presenting the brownie she had just received, “Evie look, brownie!”

Barty hadn't even noticed when the guy walked in, too focused on making sure she didn't slip on her untied shoelaces.

He was tall, and that was saying something because Barty was tall. He might not have been Remus Lupin tall, but he was definitely tall. He also had blonde hair, nearly platinum. Barty was almost in awe of how good it looked on him. He didn't know many people who could pull off platinum.

Silver septum ring with plenty of other piercings on his ears. Each one carrying silver jewelry. Barty couldn't help but think that gold would've suited him better.

“I can see that angel, but I only have enough for one treat right now. You're going to have to choose if you want this or your red rose surprise.”

The girl, Luna, pouted, and Barty wanted to groan. Kids were his weakness.

Sirius looked over at Barty unsure of what to do. Barty only mouthed his response.

“The brownie's on the house.” Sirius gave the customer that charming smile of his as he rested his arms on the counter. This was the real reason Rosmerta kept him around. Always so charming that Sirius Black, no one could resist him.

“My boss just loves fairies, and she told me that every fairy who visits is supposed to get one treat for free.”

Luna beamed up at Sirius before turning around to the guy, Evie, and sticking her tongue out before turning back to Sirius.

“I want a red rose surprise.”

“I don't think we have those here.”

Evie let out an exaggerated sigh before he kneeled in front of her. “Imma have to work my magic little moon. Why don't you go pick a seat and enjoy your brownie while I get that red rose surprise.”

Fuck it all to hell, ‘little moon’. Kill him, kill him now. End his existence before he ends up falling in love with a complete and utter stranger.

There was something that needed to be known about Barty.

He found people who were good with kids attractive. And he didn't mean it in a ‘Oh, wow. That's so cute. You're sweet and protective.’ kind of way, but more like, ‘I don't care if it's biologically impossible. I want to have your kids so that I can see you do this for the rest of my life.’ kind of way.

Regulus says he's absolutely mental and this is a result of his daddy issues, while Sirius says that it's perfectly reasonable because it's exactly how he feels about his own boyfriend.

Seeing this super hot guy talk to this little girl like she was the only good thing in the world made his heart race a little. A strangely weird feeling because even though he's felt this way before, it's never gotten this intense.

His friends find the dichotomy between what he's like and what he finds attractive absolutely hilarious, because Barty liked pretty people. He liked sweet looking people who take control of a situation with a smile on their face. A big contrast to Barty who was covered in tattoos, used cheap black box dye, and had a shitty ass personality, or so he was told.

His last boyfriend would disagree, but Sirius refuses to listen to anything James Potter had to say in regards to Barty. Skewed perception was his reasoning.

“Cute kid, is she your's?” Sirius stood back up and eyed Evie as he stood up, blue eyes following Luna as she sat down at one of the booths.

“My sister's, actually. I’m babysitting today.”

“Oh, and what, no girlfriend to help you out.”

The guys smiled at Sirius and Barty wanted to roll his eyes.

Although in a fully committed relationship, Sirius Black was incapable of not flirting with their customers. He's probably the reason why Barty has to deal with so many annoying customers. Charmed by Sirius and insulted by Barty, only at the Three Brews.

“No one at the moment, but Luna’s a good help in getting people interested. Someone's bound to find me worth sticking around for.” He smiled at Sirius and although Barty couldn't see just how lethal it was he could definitely see its effects by just how red Sirius was getting.

It wasn't by much, but no one's been able to get such a reaction from him since he's gotten with Lupin. It wasn't often when Sirius Black could be brought to blush, and if someone ever did manage it, it was a sure fire way to get Barty interested.

Sirius looked over at Barty and Barty took it as his cue to go save his friend from possibly ruining his newly established relationship.

The transition was quick and simple. Barty pulled Sirius back and told him to check on that order Rosmerta had placed for sandwiches for the incoming lunch rush. Sirius barely had time to wish him luck before he was pushed to the back where the phone was.

“Good morning, I'll be serving you since my coworker doesn't know how to keep from drooling when he sees a pretty face.”

And fuck did he have a pretty face. Barty was going to need more than luck to get through this.

“Well, I'm not complaining. One pretty face replaced by another, nothing to be disappointed about.”

Red alert, red alert! This is not a drill! Why the hell is this guy flirting with him?

“Um– what would you like to order? We have plenty of Valentine's Day specials if you're feeling festive, but we do have regular coffee if you aren't looking for anything fancy.”

Barty looked over at the little girl who was carelessly kicking her feet as she broke off a piece of the brownie. He was kinda regretting giving it to her now. He could really use some chocolate to ease the nerves that were eating at him.

“Do your Valentine's specials have strawberries?”

No, no, don't do this to him. He really didn't want to make anything too difficult. He already had to make three of those today and tomorrow that all he would be doing.

“Some do.”

“Okay, then, do you mind just putting regular milk in a cup, adding some diced strawberries and whipped cream with strawberry syrup on top. It's my niece's birthday today and I always get her one of these, but the last place we went to ran out of strawberries.”

“So, the red rose surprise is just strawberry milk.”

He shrugged a little, “It's what my parents used to do for my sister and I on our birthday. I guess I'm just following the tradition.”

Oh, he was so fucking screwed.

“Yeah, I can make it work, Evie.”

He laughed and Barty could only stare at him as he covered his face in embarrassment.

“It's Evan actually.”

“Barty.”

“Well, thank you Barty, you just saved my day and made her birthday ten times better. How much would it be?”

And Barty knew the moment he made eye contact, he was done for.

“It's on the house, a gift for the birthday girl, and you if– if you want something?”

“No, I'm good for now, but thanks.”

Evan smiled and Barty swallowed nervously.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Yeah, no problem. I'll have your drink ready to go in a moment.”

Evan nodded his head before he turned around and sat next to Luna who was now staring at him with wide eyes and head tilted to the side. As soon as Evan sat down she turned to him and pointed at Barty before gesturing at her cheeks.

Evan laughed for a moment before looking over in Barty's direction. They made eye contact, Evan winked at him and Barty quickly turned around to get that drink ready.

Strawberry milk, strawberry milk, strawberry milk.

How the hell was he supposed to make strawberry milk?

“Hey Barty, are you okay? Your face is all red.”

Barty jumped at Sirius' words

“Relax, it's just me.”

“You know how to make strawberry milk right? I mean the pretty kind that you see all over Instagram and shit.”

“Yeah, I used to make it for Reggie. Why?”

“Teach me.”

“What?”

“Teach me how to make your stupid strawberry milk.”

“I can just make you some.”

“No, you have to teach me so I can give it to that little girl and then when Evan sees how good I'm at making strawberry milk he'll have no other choice but to marry me so I can keep making strawberry milk.”

Sirius blinked at him before laughing.

“Evan? Is he the reason why your face is all red like that?”

Barty wanted to strangle Sirius or drop to the floor and die, preferably both, but not necessarily in that order.

“Fine, I'll teach you how to make it, but first go wash your face. You're as red as a strawberry right now.”

Barty could only hang his head in embarrassment when he saw his reflection on the mirror. Bright red, strawberry red.

Stupid red rose surprise.

Stupid strawberry milk

Stupid Barty for falling for some guy named Evan.

tags: @the-person-that-did-that @saiichai

#marauders #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #rosekiller #luna lovegood #girl dad rosekiller #zeel's writing #rosekiller fic #rosekiller fluff

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starttoday01 · 9 months ago

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The Infinite Money Method in GTA 5: A Guide to Making Millions

In "Grand Theft Auto V" (GTA 5), players often seek ways to amass wealth quickly. One popular method is the "Infinite Money Method," which exploits in-game mechanics to generate substantial cash. While this method isn’t technically infinite, it can help players rake in millions with the right approach.

The Basics of the Infinite Money Method

The key to this method lies in the game's stock market and specific missions. Players can manipulate stock prices by completing certain heists, notably the The Big Score heist. Here’s a step-by-step guide:

Prepare for the Heist: Start by progressing through the main storyline until you unlock The Big Score. Choose the "Obvious" approach for this mission to maximize your potential earnings.

Invest in the Right Stocks: Before initiating the heist, ensure you invest in Lifeinvader stocks. Complete the mission and watch the stock prices soar post-heist.

Sell High: Once the stock price peaks, sell your shares to cash in on the profits. This is where players can make millions, depending on the amount invested.

Reload and Repeat: After selling your stocks, reload your save from before the heist. This allows you to repeat the process, earning even more money each time.

Additional Tips

To maximize profits, keep an eye on in-game news and trends that can affect stock prices. Participating in other heists and investing wisely can further enhance your earnings.

Conclusion

While the Infinite Money Method in GTA 5 isn’t truly limitless, it offers a lucrative way to amass wealth efficiently. With strategic planning and smart investing, players can dominate the criminal underworld of Los Santos, driving flashy cars and living lavishly. Just remember, with great wealth comes even greater heists!

Click here to know Learn More!

#gta v #gta 5 #grand theft auto #gta online #games

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intensifyresearch · 17 days ago

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HDFC Bank Rises on HDB IPO; SBI Eyes ₹960 Target – Intraday and Long-Term Strategy Breakdown

Shares of HDFC Bank surged 1.2% to ₹1,954.80 at 10:20 AM in Friday’s session, after its non-banking finance arm, HDB Financial Services, announced the launch of its much-anticipated initial public offering (IPO). The ₹12,500-crore public issue — India’s largest by a non-bank lender — is set to open for subscription on Wednesday, June 25, sparking fresh momentum in the stock and renewed interest among intraday trading enthusiasts.

HDFC Bank confirmed in an exchange filing on Thursday that HDB Financial has filed its Red Herring Prospectus (RHP) with the Registrar of Companies. The IPO window will remain open until June 27, while anchor investors are scheduled to place their bids on June 24. The announcement has not only lifted HDFC Bank stock but is also shaping up as a critical development influencing near-term stock market strategy, with traders eyeing potential upside on the back of strong institutional demand.

HDB Financial Services IPO

The IPO price band for HDB Financial Services (HDBFS) is fixed at ₹700 to ₹740 per equity share (face value ₹10 each).

Investors must bid for a minimum of 20 equity shares, and in multiples of 20 thereafter.

IPO Dates:

Opens: Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Closes: Friday, June 27, 2025

Anchor Investor Bidding: Tuesday, June 24, 2025

Offer Structure for HDBF IPO:

Fresh Issue: Up to ₹2,500 crore

Offer for Sale (OFS): Up to ₹10,000 crore by HDFC Bank

HDFC Bank’s Board has approved the transfer of equity shares it holds in HDBFS for the OFS portion of the IPO.

HDFC Bank Upcoming Dividend

The Board of Directors recommended a dividend of ₹22.00 per equity share of the Bank of face value of ₹1/- each, for FY 2025, subject to shareholder approval.

Buy Rating for SBI from Jefferies

Alongside HDFC Surge Global brokerage firm Jefferies issued a “buy” recommendation on State Bank of India (SBI), assigning a target price of Rs 960 per share, implying a potential upside of 22 percent.

Jefferies projects a credit growth of 12 percent and deposit growth of 10 percent for the public sector lender, supported by adequate liquidity buffers. The bank is also expected to maintain a return on assets (RoA) of 1 percent despite facing near-term pressure on net interest margins (NIM) due to anticipated rate cuts.

In FY2025, SBI reported a decline in net profit, although net interest income (NII) registered a modest increase. Specifically, net profit dropped 10 percent compared to the same period last year, while NII rose by 2.7 percent to Rs 42,775 crore.

On the positive side, SBI’s asset quality showed sequential improvement. The gross non-performing assets (GNPA) ratio declined to 1.82 percent in the January–March quarter from 2.07 percent in the preceding quarter. The net NPA ratio also improved to 0.47 percent from 0.53 percent.

Geojit Financial Services also Upgrading SBI to a “buy” from “hold” with a revised target price of Rs 888 per share.

Among the 42 brokerages tracking SBI, 34 maintain a “buy” rating, 7 suggest “hold,” and only 1 recommends “sell.”

Stock Market Strategy - HDFC Bank

Intraday Trading Strategy

Range Monitoring: Trade within the current sideways range of ₹1,900–₹1,975.

Breakout Entry: Buy above ₹1,950 for potential upside targets of ₹2,025 and ₹2,050; sell below ₹1,900 for downside targets of ₹1,880 and ₹1,850.

Stop-Loss: Set a strict stop-loss at ₹1,900 for long positions to manage risk.

Momentum Indicators: Watch RSI (neutral at 51.27) and Stochastic RSI for negative crossover signals indicating short-term weakness.

Long-Term Investing Strategy

Invest before the record date (June 27, 2025) to secure the ₹22.00 per share dividend.

Support Level: Accumulate around ₹1,900, a key support level, for better entry points.

Breakout Target: Hold for a potential breakout above ₹1,975, targeting ₹2,025–₹2,050 in the medium term.

IPO Impact: Leverages positive sentiment from HDB Financial Services’ ₹12,500-crore IPO to boost HDFC Bank’s valuation.

Maintain a stop-loss at ₹1,880 to protect against unexpected corrections.

Focus on HDFC Bank’s strong fundamentals and institutional demand as a stable long-term investment.

Stock Market Strategy - SBI

Intraday Trading Strategy

Current Price Action: Trade around the current price of ₹796, up 1.59%, with focus on intraday momentum.

Resistance Levels: Target ₹810 and ₹825 on sustained buying; book profits if resistance is encountered.

Support Levels: Watch ₹785 as immediate support; a break below could lead to ₹775 or ₹760.

Stop-Loss: Set a stop-loss at ₹785 for long positions to limit downside risk.

Long-Term Investing Strategy

Buy Recommendation: Accumulate at current levels (₹796) or on dips near ₹775, aligning with Jefferies’ ₹960 and Geojit’s ₹888 target prices (22% and 11.5% upside, respectively).

Growth Drivers: Hold for projected 12% credit growth and 10?posit growth, supported by RBI’s monetary policies and tax cuts.

Asset Quality: Benefit from improving GNPA (1.82%) and net NPA (0.47%) ratios, indicating stronger fundamentals.

Set a stop-loss at ₹760 to protect against market corrections.

Leverage strong “buy” consensus (34/42 brokerages) for confidence in long-term upside.

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Investment in the securities market is subject to market risks.

#accurate stock tips #best bank nifty tips provider #best bank nifty option tips #stock cash market tips #share market advisory #ideal strategies #stock tips advisor #trading tips #ipo news #ipo alert

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justinsentertainmentcorner · 2 months ago

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Liz Plank at Airplane Mode:

There are many ways to declare that you’re a loser. But publicly announcing that a pop star is “no longer hot” because she doesn’t like you? That’s not just loser behavior, it’s the emotional equivalent of throwing a juice box at a girl you like across the cafeteria. It’s giving worst person you went to high school with somehow got the nuclear codes.

In his latest desperate grasp for relevance, the President of the United States paused his constitutional demolition tour to announce that Taylor Swift is “no longer hot.” Which, of course, is what every emotionally stunted man says when a woman rejects him and controls the economy, the culture, and her own narrative. Because nothing screams strong masculine leadership like whining that a woman stopped being attractive the moment she stopped tolerating you. Trump’s emotional breakdown might also be strategic. Maybe he’s trying to distract us from the fact that he wants to disappear the 14th Amendment and strip citizenship from babies born on American soil. Or maybe, it’s just unbearable for him to see a woman with more power, more influence, and frankly, more masculine integrity than he’s ever had in his life. Taylor Swift is not just hot. She’s respected, beloved, and she pays her damn workers. Trump leaves contractors unpaid and runs casinos into the ground like a parody of monopoly on meth. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift gives six-figure bonuses to her tour crew. She doesn’t steal service workers’ health insurance, she leaves them huge cash tips. She didn’t need a scam university, a fake charity, or a golden elevator. She didn’t have to grift her way into wealth— she built it.

She became a billionaire the old-fashioned way: with talent, discipline, generosity, and sparkle. Her Eras Tour alone contributed over $5 billion to the U.S. economy—just in consumer spending. In Los Angeles, six shows added $320 million to the local GDP. She paid her truck drivers $100,000 bonuses. That’s not just hot. That’s powerful. Meanwhile, Trump became a (maybe) billionaire by filing bankruptcy so many times it looks like he has a yearly subscription. His economic legacy? A 39% spike in the national debt, 3 million jobs lost, and a stock market crash during his first 100 days that wiped out trillions. His tariffs were so poorly planned they’re expected to cost middle-class households $22,000 each in long-term losses.

You’re just jealous of Taylor Swift because she’s an actual self-made billionaire, unlike you, Donnie.

#Taylor Swift #Donald Trump

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moneywellglobal · 2 years ago

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Dividend Stocks: Century Textiles, Ingersoll-Rand, five other stocks to trade ex-dividend today

#option elementary pack #future evaluation pack #stock market tips #cash elementary pack

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 9 months ago

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Good day to you, fair Fellow. And to you as well, adorable Gidel. *Reaches out to give Gidel a pat on the head, a puzzle box toy, and a bag of candy before turning back to address Fellow* I am the owner of a small, but successful candy shop. I was contacted by an associate of mine about a charming person that could possibly use a job? I assume that to be you. If the offer is not appealing, I have several friends that could use a server. You would likely be able to nab some good tips. Some would even offer a small apartment to go with the job. Whatever you decide, I am available anytime.

@ Cater Diamond, are you proud of me for conducting market research for this interaction/j

Waiter!Fellow though... 👀 (my bias comes out ahjdabsidabisyfiyoafi)

So tell me, do you wanna go?

"Excuse me, mister. I'd like to take 16 ounces of this milk chocolate with pistachio cream and kunafa filling."

"I want to buy some of those viral peelable fruit gummies. Can you tell me where to find them?"

"Ooh, these candies are shaped like gems. They come in so many different flavors--I can't decide what to buy! You work here, so which ones would you recommend?"

"One at a time, please!!" Fellow, in a pastel pink apron, pleaded of the encroaching customers. "I'll weigh the amount you want and ring you up at the cash register up front. The fruit gummies you're lookin' for are in aisle 3, between the sour belts and the licorice sticks. Our pumpkin jam-filled crystal candies are popular this season."

His new gig at the candy shop kept him busy. Social media, the owner had told him, had caused certain treats to blow up in popularity. Handling the sweets was a task left to the store owner, who produced all manner of confections. Fellow managed the front end: stocking, answering customer inquiries, doing the arithmetic (which he had always prided himself on).

Gidel hid in the back, sucking on a scraps of sugar and fiddling with a cube-shaped puzzle as Fellow went about his day. Sometimes he would poke his head out and watch as his guardian got swarmed, or swipe a sucker or two.

In the evenings--5 'o clock on the dot--Fellow would close up shop, then swap out his uniform for a white button-down shirt and black slacks, heading for his shift at a local restaurant. They were short-staffed in the evenings and on holidays, so he was quick to swoop in and fill out the vacancy.

A smile, a wink, a few friendly exchanges, and he'd walk away pocketing generous tips. The leftovers, swiped by a clever hand, and ferried away for a free makeshift meal for him and Gidel.

They had settled into the new routine with ease.

When the restaurant locked up for the day, Fellow would haul a drowsy Gidel over his shoulder and to the small apartment upstairs. It was cramped and often smelled like tomato sauce, but it was home and it was theirs.

"You like livin' like this, Giddie?" Fellow asked as he laid the young boy down on a small cot. "It beats havin' to scam folks just to get on by, but some days I miss the open road and the freedom that came with it."

Gidel yawned--and Fellow suspected that his question had fallen upon deaf ears. He shook his head, pulling a thin patchwork comforter over him.

"... Never mind, I'll ask ya again in the morning. Sleep tight, little buddy."

#twst #twisted wonderland #Fellow Honest #Gidel #twst interactions #twisted wonderland interactions #Reader #self insert #Gino #Ernesto Foulworth #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #a fellow in need is a friend indeed #twst imagines #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland scenarios

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digitalk24 · 2 years ago

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Maximizing Returns in the Stock Market: A Guide to Trading Tips

Introduction

Investing in the stock market can be a lucrative endeavor, but it also comes with its fair share of risks and uncertainties. To navigate this complex financial landscape successfully, traders often rely on various strategies and tips. In this article, we will explore some essential trading tips, including stock cash tips, index option tips, BTST (Buy Today, Sell Tomorrow) trading, stock future tips, and intraday trading tips, to help you make informed decisions and maximize your returns.

Stock Cash Tips

Stock cash tips, also known as equity cash tips, are recommendations provided by financial experts or advisory firms to help traders make informed decisions when trading in the equity or cash segment of the stock market. These tips typically include information about which stocks to buy or sell in the short or long term.

To make the most of stock cash tips:

Research the recommended stocks thoroughly.

Diversify your portfolio to manage risk.

Stay updated with market news and events.

Index Option Tips

Index option tips are specifically designed for traders interested in options trading within stock market indices like the S&P 500 or Nifty 50. Options provide traders the right, but not the obligation, to buy or sell an index at a predetermined price.

To benefit from index option tips:

Understand the basics of options trading.

Analyze market volatility.

Set clear entry and exit strategies.

BTST Trading (Buy Today, Sell Tomorrow)

BTST trading is a popular strategy where traders buy stocks today and sell them the following trading day. This approach is well-suited for those who anticipate short-term price movements and want to capitalize on them.

To succeed in BTST trading:

Identify stocks with potential for short-term gains.

Monitor market trends and news closely.

Set stop-loss orders to limit losses.

Stock Future Tips

Stock future tips are recommendations that focus on trading in futures contracts. Futures contracts are agreements to buy or sell a specified quantity of a particular stock at a predetermined price and date in the future.

To make the most of stock future tips:

Understand the mechanics of futures trading.

Analyze technical and fundamental factors.

Use risk management tools to protect your capital.

Intraday Trading Tips

Intraday trading involves buying and selling stocks within the same trading day. It requires a keen understanding of market trends, technical analysis, and quick decision-making.

To excel in intraday trading:

Develop a robust trading strategy.

Use technical indicators for entry and exit points.

Keep emotions in check and stick to your plan.

Conclusion

Successful trading in the stock market requires a combination of knowledge, discipline, and the right strategy. Stock cash tips, index option tips, BTST trading, stock future tips, and intraday trading tips are valuable tools that can help you make informed decisions and maximize your returns. However, it's crucial to remember that no tip or strategy guarantees success, and the stock market always carries inherent risks. Therefore, always do your research, manage your risk, and stay updated with market developments to make the most of your trading journey.

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#stock cash tips #Index Option tips #btst trading #btst in share market #stock future tips #intraday trading tips #trading tips #intraday trading tips in hindi #option trading tips #smart trading tips #commodity trading tips #options trading tips #intraday trading tips today #sgx nifty live smart trading tips #intraday trading tips for today #investment advisory services #btst in stock market

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justinspoliticalcorner · 3 months ago

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J. Dylan Sandifer at TNR:

Two egos like Elon Musk’s and Donald Trump’s could never share the spotlight if it weren’t for the unifying force of grifter solidarity—two oligarchs teaming up to further tip the scales against everyone else. Just as Trump’s P.R. campaign as a canny dealmaker hid his multiple bankruptcies, Musk’s rogue genius performance serves as cover for the fact that he’s just another billionaire buying up others’ ideas and playing the system with enough of a safety net to repeatedly fail. His whole shtick is built on the idea that he’s a bold, self-made innovator who defies the odds, shuns government handouts, and stands for the unbridled power of the free market. In reality, his empire, built originally on an apartheid emerald mine, has been propped up by public money for years. One of its most consistent sources of income has been Tesla’s exploitation of the carbon credit market.

Tesla, the supposed future of clean energy, isn’t just making money by selling electric cars—it’s making a fortune off a regulatory loophole. In the first nine months of 2024, 43 percent of Tesla’s net income came from selling credits to other automakers that hadn’t met emissions standards. It’s not innovation that’s keeping Tesla’s finances afloat; it’s a rigged system that Musk is milking for everything it’s worth. And all the while, he’s using his newfound power as Trump’s unelected co-president to gut the very government programs that provide working people with a fraction of the support that he’s quietly pocketing. Musk loves to sneer at working-class people who rely on food stamps or unemployment benefits, claiming they’re lazy or entitled. But what’s more entitled than using regulatory credits to boost your company’s stock price and then leveraging that stock for loans to keep your cash flow steady? The hypocrisy gets even more grotesque when you look at Musk’s role in the so-called Department of Government Efficiency—the dystopian fever dream where he’s now helping Trump dismantle social programs under the guise of “cutting waste.” While he’s ensuring billionaires like himself keep their tax breaks and loopholes, he’s working to slash food assistance, disability benefits, and Social Security. The plan is clear: If you’re rich, the government will help you get richer. If you’re poor, you’re on your own. Meanwhile, Musk has strategically positioned himself to undermine public infrastructure alternatives to his products. Musk has started targeting public transit and infrastructure projects, claiming they are bloated and inefficient—while his own half-baked ideas, like the Las Vegas “Loop” (a glorified tunnel for Teslas), receive public subsidies and fizzle out into tech-world vaporware. He is claiming that government spending on social good is a waste, while positioning himself as the one true visionary who should receive those taxpayer dollars instead. Here’s how Tesla’s legalized scam works: Under California’s Zero Emission Vehicle, or ZEV, mandate and the federal Corporate Average Fuel Economy, or CAFE, standards, carmakers are required to meet emissions targets. If they don’t, they have to buy carbon credits from companies that produce cleaner vehicles. Tesla, which only sells electric cars, racks up a surplus of these credits and sells them to gas-guzzling automakers that don’t want to invest in real change. In other words, Tesla isn’t making money because it’s selling cars efficiently—it’s making money because Ford and GM still rely on gasoline. Musk has figured out how to turn regulatory inaction into a billion-dollar side hustle. If Tesla’s carbon credit well ever runs dry—if regulatory standards change or if automakers finally catch up—Tesla’s bottom line takes a hit. That’s when the whole house of cards Musk has built starts to wobble.

Musk’s entire empire hinges on one thing: Tesla’s sky-high stock price. He’s leveraged Tesla shares to take out massive loans, using them as collateral to fund his lifestyle and side projects. This means that keeping Tesla’s valuation high is a matter of personal financial survival. Those carbon credits—essentially free money from the government—make Tesla’s earnings look better than they actually are, which in turn props up its stock price. But this strategy is starting to fall apart. Tesla’s stock is plummeting—down nearly 40 percent this year—due to increased competition, battery technology falling behind, and Musk’s erratic behavior scaring off investors. When a company is built on smoke and mirrors, it doesn’t take much for the illusion to shatter.

A big chunk of Elon Musk’s Tesla income comes from their regulatory credits scheme.

#Tesla #Elon Musk #Electric Vehicles #Corporate Average Fuel Economy

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breelandwalker · 8 months ago

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so, I know you've been vending at a lot of different craft fairs and witch markets for awhile now (sadly, too far away for me to attend!). would you happen to have any tips for someone looking to do the same at their local fairs? thanks!!!!!! ❤️

Sure! To start, brush up on three things - networking, recordkeeping, and people skills. Get an idea of what's going in on your area, talk to the organizers, see what the particulars are for the events. Here are some questions to ask:

What's the venue like? (indoors, outdoors, parking, accessibility)

Do I need to bring my own table and chairs?

Is there electricity / wifi available?

What is the table fee?

When is the event and how long does it run?

Is there a theme or target audience?

Is there advertising being done for the event? (Signal boost!)

Based on the answers you get, you can start putting your stock and setup together.

Do as much as you can WAY ahead of time. If you need to make things, start now. If you need to buy things, give yourself at least a month before an event to make sure everything arrives in time. Get yourself a 6-foot folding table and a comfortable folding chair or camp chair for events where they're not provided by the venue. Sign for Paypal, Venmo, and Cashapp as well as a card payment processing service like Square to give your customers the most payment options possible. And of course, plan to carry some small bills for cash patrons. (You don't need a register or cashbox, a simple bag of appropriate size will do. I literally use a pencil case that says Resting Witch Face. Works great.)

You'll want to get some displays for your merchandise. The type will vary depending on what you have, but it should be simply and sturdy and preferably easy to pack in and out. Vertical visibility is important at these events, so if you can find some kind of stand or tiered display, that will help you get noticed. I'd also suggest some simple clear plastic standups that you can put a printout price list and a basic sign in. A table banner helps people notice your table from afar and you should definitely have business cards to hand out with your shop info and socials. (I use Vistaprint for both.) Decorations are nice, but don't overload the table with them. They should augment your setup, not overwhelm it.

You may also want to get an 8x8 or 10x10 popup canopy and canopy weights if you plan to do outdoor events. Also, GET A COLLAPSIBLE WAGON. Best investment I ever made was a $45 collapsible wagon. It fits in my backseat and makes hauling things in and out of venues SO much easier.

Keep track of everything you spend related to your endeavors, including event fees, supplies, stock, setup items, displays, signage, business cards, and gas and food on the day. Keep those receipts - you can deduct them on your taxes later to offset your earnings. (Because registering as a business can be a pain and comes with fees, but if you don't do it, you may owe money for not collecting sales tax. Put aside some money for that tax bill, just in case.)

Prep your setup and stock the night before an event. Check your merch, charge your card reader (and bring a fully-charged auxiliary power pack and cord, just in case), make any updates to your inventory or pricing that you need to. It really cuts down on stress when you're loading up if you know you've already get everything set. I suggest reusable shopping bags or clear plastic bins to make things easy to haul, plus they can double as storage.

Plan to leave as early as you need to in order to account for traffic and pit stops. Pick an outfit ahead of time so you don't have to dither over clothes. It should be something appropriate for the event and the weather that looks neat and clean and is easy to move around in, including comfortable shoes. (Look to other vendors for examples.)

Make sure you bring water, snacks, and anything you'll need to get through the day, i.e. medicine (headache pills and stomach medicine at minimum), energy drinks, a fan for hot days, an extra layer for cold ones, etc. Get to the venue as early as the organizers allow. The more time you have to park, load in, and set up, the less stressed you'll be. Make sure things are arranged in a way that's accessible and makes sense. Place signage where necessary to explain items and pricing.

GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE THE EVENT BEGINS. TRUST ME.

During the event, you're gonna have to do a LOT of socializing, so prepare for that as best you can. Try to stand if possible when there's a lot of foot traffic so you're more noticeable. Be personable - you don't have to grin constantly, just try to keep a pleasant expression and greet people as they pass, especially if they look in your direction. Don't be afraid to invite passersby over if they pause to check out your setup. Welcome them in, invite them to check out your stuff, and let them know you're happy to answer questions. (And ALL questions are good questions. There are no dumb questions. Even if the question is the dumbest thing you've ever heard or it's the fifteenth time you've been asked that day.) Chat and banter a bit where possible. If you can get people smiling or laughing, they're more likely to stick around and possibly purchase your wares. Make sure as many people as possible take your card when they leave.

Yes, you will be exhausted when the event is over, even if you're a naturally outgoing person, and you'll still have to break everything down, haul it out, load your vehicle, and drive home. If you happen to have somebody who can help you out, that really comes in handy.

In any case, know your own capabilities and personal limits and plan for that when you're deciding where to vend. If a venue is too far away for your comfort or doesn't have what you need or the table fee is too high (be wary of any thing over $75 for a single day event), don't sign up. If an event is too long or too far outside your target audience, don't sign up. If you don't have an appropriate setup or don't have the stock / can't get it in time, don't sign up. If something about the event or the venue or the organizers rubs you the wrong way, DON'T SIGN UP. Talk to other local vendors to get an idea of where to go and what to expect. Most will tell you right away what works, what's good, and what to steer clear of.

This is all just the basics. You'll learn a lot more when you start to vend, as far as what your individual needs are, where to go to find reliable business, and how best to connect with local venues and customers. Keep records of everything you do (spreadsheets are your friend!), network with organizers and other vendors, and practice that sociable game face.

And trust me - if a disorganized introvert with social anxiety and ADHD and absolutely NO sales experience can figure out to do this, I think pretty much anyone has a chance.

Good luck!!!! 😁

#A. Nonymousse #witch market #vendors #practical advice #witch tips #life hacks #Bree answers your inquiries

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